i have no idea what happens in a girls mind after i date them.. sometimes i feel like i am christian grey and i turn an innocent girls minds into thirsty... well.. you get it..
i dont think your a slut auburn... i dont think your a whore either crane.. i just remember you promising me you would never turn into a whore after you dated me... i dont know exactly what youve done or who youve kissed.. i reallydont want to know.. though it shouldnt effect me it probably would... im just interested why youve done what you have done since i left.. because you werent that girl when i met you... so what changed...you were in love and i was in love but when i left.. you went crazy..... you went from the most asked about girl in the mission and now the most joked about... everyone saw my dedication and love... they thought it was going both ways... me included... people guessed two days after i got home i would be engaged.. i think that is crazy early, i dont think i could have ever done that haha ... but people wanted to know how the fox and the hound love was going.. what you would email me about or if i have gotten letters from you.. now its just funny to everyone.. the greatest would have been ever...
im not mad, i have gotten past that stage.. i think its kinda funny too... sadly.. but honestly i want to know why all girls that i date do that... why is it,. im not trying to be rude i want an honest answer.. what can i do differently.. why does it happen..
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
alot on my mind
idk.. i think a lot. i think a lot about my future.. i think a lot about my past.. i think about how my past has effected my future and the future of others... and the lack thereof..
i have two examples..
the first.. i loved a kid name cam.. he was a punk.. he was a popular kid that was the class clown and classic football jock.. i wanted to make a difference in his life and i always tried to be a good example to him.. i would bring him at 5 am to work out and i got to know him.. he wasnt that kid everyone knew.. he had a good heart.. he was a good kid and i wanted him to be a good kid. i tried and tried to show him a good example and he watched me progress and eventually go on a mission.. i recieved an email from him this week that excited me more than anything!! he decided to go on a mission and got his mission call... and god works in crazy ways and now cam is coming to budapest hungary with me.. my past affected his future..
the second example.. i loved her for a year.. i did everything i could possibly do to show her that i loved her.. when i was with her and when i left on my mission.. well.. she didnt last the time i left the mtc!! hahaha i was so crushed but i still had so much hope and faith and love for her.. but it didnt matter that i wrote her 30 pages a week everyweek.. it didnt matter that i was less than a mile a way in the mtc when she went to the concert and kissed someone.. it didnt matter what i said, thought, did, wrote, prayed for, nothing mattered because she was set on leaving before i left to provo... i just didnt see or think that could happen. it really is self inflicted pain...
the point is.. i tried to make a difference in both lives.. i tried to show them that iloved them both.. i dont know what i did wrong to be honest.. and i dont know what i did right for him either...
i have two examples..
the first.. i loved a kid name cam.. he was a punk.. he was a popular kid that was the class clown and classic football jock.. i wanted to make a difference in his life and i always tried to be a good example to him.. i would bring him at 5 am to work out and i got to know him.. he wasnt that kid everyone knew.. he had a good heart.. he was a good kid and i wanted him to be a good kid. i tried and tried to show him a good example and he watched me progress and eventually go on a mission.. i recieved an email from him this week that excited me more than anything!! he decided to go on a mission and got his mission call... and god works in crazy ways and now cam is coming to budapest hungary with me.. my past affected his future..
the second example.. i loved her for a year.. i did everything i could possibly do to show her that i loved her.. when i was with her and when i left on my mission.. well.. she didnt last the time i left the mtc!! hahaha i was so crushed but i still had so much hope and faith and love for her.. but it didnt matter that i wrote her 30 pages a week everyweek.. it didnt matter that i was less than a mile a way in the mtc when she went to the concert and kissed someone.. it didnt matter what i said, thought, did, wrote, prayed for, nothing mattered because she was set on leaving before i left to provo... i just didnt see or think that could happen. it really is self inflicted pain...
the point is.. i tried to make a difference in both lives.. i tried to show them that iloved them both.. i dont know what i did wrong to be honest.. and i dont know what i did right for him either...
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