idk.. i think a lot. i think a lot about my future.. i think a lot about my past.. i think about how my past has effected my future and the future of others... and the lack thereof..
i have two examples..
the first.. i loved a kid name cam.. he was a punk.. he was a popular kid that was the class clown and classic football jock.. i wanted to make a difference in his life and i always tried to be a good example to him.. i would bring him at 5 am to work out and i got to know him.. he wasnt that kid everyone knew.. he had a good heart.. he was a good kid and i wanted him to be a good kid. i tried and tried to show him a good example and he watched me progress and eventually go on a mission.. i recieved an email from him this week that excited me more than anything!! he decided to go on a mission and got his mission call... and god works in crazy ways and now cam is coming to budapest hungary with me.. my past affected his future..
the second example.. i loved her for a year.. i did everything i could possibly do to show her that i loved her.. when i was with her and when i left on my mission.. well.. she didnt last the time i left the mtc!! hahaha i was so crushed but i still had so much hope and faith and love for her.. but it didnt matter that i wrote her 30 pages a week everyweek.. it didnt matter that i was less than a mile a way in the mtc when she went to the concert and kissed someone.. it didnt matter what i said, thought, did, wrote, prayed for, nothing mattered because she was set on leaving before i left to provo... i just didnt see or think that could happen. it really is self inflicted pain...
the point is.. i tried to make a difference in both lives.. i tried to show them that iloved them both.. i dont know what i did wrong to be honest.. and i dont know what i did right for him either...
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